Sometimes I’m pretty certain I’m never going to have any kids of my own. It was never really in my ‘life plan’, and I doubt it will ever be. But I get these moments, from time to time, when something shitty happens, and I’d think to myself “I’m gonna teach my kid better than that.” So, here’s a short list of things I’ll make sure to tell my kids.
1. There is 0 shame in who you are. Never be ashamed of yourself, or anything you feel. Why? Because as my wise friend once said, “Fuck shame in the ass with a broomstick.”
2. I will never judge you. Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, most of the time, adults make more mistakes than children. They don’t define you, and you definitely will outlive them. Messing up is not the end of the world.
3. Apologize when you’re wrong. I’ll apologize to you when I’m wrong, too. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you were wrong.
4. You are your own person, capable of making sound decisions. Therefore, I will never force you into anything. I’ll explain the pros and cons, I’ll show you all sides of the situation, and you can make up your mind as best as you see fit.
5. Our home, all the 4 walls and windows, is our own sanctuary, your safe space, away from a cruel world. Here, there are no limits to your being. I won’t try to incapacitate you, in any way, shape, or form.
6. You do not owe me anything. I made the conscious decision to bring you into this world (whether or not the pregnancy was planned), you did not take this decision. This, without any hesitation, means that I owe you a good life, without expecting anything in return.
7. Nothing you could possibly do could affect the fact that I love you.
8. Obviously you should feel free to talk to me about anything, and I’ll give you advice if that’s what you’re looking for, or simply just listen. However, this does not mean that you have to talk to me about anything. The whole point is to know that I’m here for you whenever you need me.
9. I want your first thought when something bad happens to be “Fuck, I need to call my mom.” and not “Shit, my mom’s gonna kill me.” The second you’re in a messy situation, where consequences are about to take place, or you’re in danger, or someone you love is, I will not question you or blame you, and I’ll do everything I can to get you out of it. This includes the more than common sexual abuse through blackmail, car accidents, I’m-too-drunk-to-drive, my date is making me feel uncomfortable, my friends ditched me in an uncomfortable place, I lost my wallet, my phone got stolen, I think a guy is following me, etc etc etc. Even (and especially) if you’re the one that’s wrong in the situation. Again, everyone makes mistakes.
10. Do not try to be perfect. Imperfection is normal. Perfection is unattainable, and you will lose yourself trying to fulfill everyone’s perception of perfect. You are you, and that is more than anyone (myself included) could ever ask for.
11. Your worth does not hang on your grades, your talents, your looks, or anything of that matter.
12. Never be afraid of loving. There is so much beauty in love, but it can be extremely formidable. Don’t let it scare you.
13. Guilt does not belong in our home. Do whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want, as long as youre not hurting yourself, or anyone.And if it just so happens that you hurt someone along the way, aplogies, and fix it. Especially if it’s someone you care about.
14. I will not yell at you, and on the off chance that I do, I will apologize, and remove myself from the conversation until I am able to speak in a civil manner. I hope you learn to do the same, too.
15. No one can make you feel insecure or inferior without your consent, myself included. No one has this kind of access to you, unless you let them. I’ll attempt to teach you how to set boundaries, but everything I give you is merely a suggestion based off of my own experiences, however valid they may be.
16. Do not be careless with your trust, your heart, your body, your mind, or your soul. These are things to be cherished, and nurtured. Take precautions, be careful with who you let in. Where there is room to avoid casualties, do not dismiss it in the name of “experience”.
17. It is never too late to step back or drop out of a situation. The second you start doubting the space you are in, leave it.
18. Always stand by what you preach. Do not be a hypocrite.
19. Pain is necessary to lead a fulfilling and satisfying life. There are always two sides to the coin of life. 500 miles of downhill only means there are 500 more miles of uphill to match it. The bad will always come with the good.
20. Always work on forgiving yourself. Whether it’s for promises you didn’t keep, or goals you have not reached (yet). You are not made of disposable material, you have to remain kind and patient with yourself, you are only human.
21. Always weigh what your mind wants and what your heart needs, and find the suitable balance. As beings, we are quite unpredictable with our plans and the decisions we make, and what they are based on. Never rush yourself in this, a late decision in the right place is always better than a wrong one that was rushed.
Never feel the need to hop on any trends. It is 100% acceptable to stand out. You should never feel pressured to do something you do not feel comfortable with, or something you simply don’t like. You are your own person, no one’s opinion could ever affect that.
22. Bringing a child into this world is one of the biggest responsibilities. And I genuinely hope that this generation, with it’s immense knowledge of parental issues, sex ed, and just how much words can fuck you up, we can learn to raise children with sound minds.